Friday, May 13, 2011

Poop Obsession - this weeks bathroom humor

Not a topic for the light hearted, or the weak stomached.  Not really "dinner-time" discussion unless you are a parent, and have had to change a poopy diaper in the middle of dinner.  Of all the hats I wear - poop inspector is my LEAST favorite.  Prior to children I never would have believed that much of my time would be spent analyzing poop.

Is it yellow?  Words like "seedy" and "mucousy" are uttered in a natural way, and on a regular basis.  Darin has even coined breastfed baby poo as smelling like "buttery popcorn." - I should clarify this with him because I can't tell if it's the microwavable kind or the kind you get in an actual movie theater?

 I overheard him speaking once to one of his guy friends after our first child was born - I can't recall the conversation verbatim, but I know it went something like this:  "Dude, have her breastfeed - the diapers smell like buttery popcorn, it's not bad."

Potty training Cameron went pretty well once I was home on maternity leave.  I was able to hunker down with him and really be consistent.  (3 weeks of not being able to leave the house, due to not having a vehicle that could hold our entire family was actually a blessing in our case!)  He would poo in the chair,eventually -  but he would throw a fit, literally running around in circles - and wait until the last possible second before he had to go.  His pants, underwear and socks, all wound up flying in the air and leaving a trail behind him to the chair. 

Today on the chair he asks me: "Mommy I pooped!  Does this make you happy?"  Now that is a loaded question.

On one hand, sure it does! You pooped where you should have.  This pleases me. 

On the other hand, I am eating lunch, which I now have to set down.  Now I have to wipe your little arse.  Dump the potty chair.  Clean the chair.  Wash my hands.  Sit back down to my lunch and pass on eating the raisins and the chocolate pudding.  So what was the question again?  Oh yes, I'm thrilled.

On Wednesday I was cleaning his potty seat out and as I lifted it he starts freaking out "Oh no Mommy! My chocolate, my chocolate!"  I didn't even look.  I just said if there is chocolate anywhere attached to this chair or the surrounding area you are NOT eating it.  He was mad at me all night, repeatedly telling Cricket that I threw out his chocolate.  Shame on me, right?!

On Mother's day we are having a nice dinner (I made "Cheaters Crock-Pot Roast" - which is basically stew meat in a crockpot with carrots and a potatoes.)  I place the children's food in bowls.  Both Cameron and Cricket are eating it quite well.  Then Cricket picks up a hunk of beef and says "Ewwww poop."  I told her it wasn't poop, it was meat and she should go ahead and eat it.  She takes a big bite and says "Mmmm. Good poop Mommy."  Yes, happy Mother's Day to me.

We had another poop incident this week too - as a matter of fact on Mother's Day...again.  This time it was Darin.  We are at the Home Depot.  Darin hits the restroom before we leave.  He comes walking out and is trying to convince me to go in there and look at this "huge poop" that is "sticking out of the toilet."  (It wasn't his - he was just in absolute awe of it I suppose.)  No thanks!  I didn't go look.  I spend WAY more time than I like looking at the excrement from my own family members.  I certainly don't need to add a strangers doo-doo to my list.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Letters - week 1

Dear Gidget,

You are a sweet little baby.  I've been watching you smile in your sleep for a few weeks now and I have already noticed a dimple in your left cheek.  Very cute!  It is something you have all on your own as none of the rest of us have dimples (that aren't created from cellulite.) I just wanted to point this out, since you are #3 in line, yes, but I still promise to notice special things and make you feel like you are #1 - always.
 Yesterday and today you awarded me with a few of your very first social smiles - I'm very excited to see them happen more and more each day!

You are precious, and I love you,

Dear Cricket,

My huge blue eyed girl!  You are so sweet, and I noticed this week how much you tried to share with your sister.  I know how much you enjoy the mini-shredded wheats I gave you for snack - and I am deeply touched that you wanted to share them with your 4 & 1/2 week old sister.  Truly.  I'm not sure if you and your brother were in cahoots or what the heck happened - but while I was trying my very best to be 'supermom ' by nursing your sister while fixing your brother's underwear and pants at the same time - you managed to slip right under the radar and place one of the mini-wheats in her hand.  I also thought you were adorable when you tried to share some of your dry "O" shaped cereal.  You took that little multi grain "O" and airplaned it right to her lips! 

Let's recap, shall we?  Yes, Gidget gets milk - and PLENTY of it, but the cereal has to wait!  For once - I will allow you to be stingy and keep your food for yourself!  I promise in a very short time from now, you will be screaming at me that she has eaten all of your snacks/food.  Or here is another idea!  INSTEAD of  tormenting your brother by taking food/snacks away from him, and running to chuck them behind the furniture as he screams bloody murder behind you --- share with him!  (Or let him keep what he already had!)

You are thoughtful, and I love you,

Dear Cameron,

I have to start out by saying you broke my heart a little when you informed me this week that I was "no fun."  I mean let's be honest.  I know, I was mad I had lost a check, and I was arguing with you about cleaning up your toys in the living room - it wasn't exactly the most fun we've ever had!  Although, it was funny, it still stung.  However you really set me off with laughter a few times this week.  On Sunday, when you said in a little sing-song voice "Oh Daddy, I think you can stop the car nooooow..." - we had a good chuckle.  But today, when you asked me to blow up that big punching balloon - I about lost it.  After I handed it back to you, you seriously inspected my work and said "Not bad.  Not bad at all!"  I have no idea where you are picking up these little funny phrases, but I love them.  And I am so glad my ability to blow up a balloon met your approval!  Oh, and just one more thing!  Please stop sneaking off with my cell phone.  I have the children's pattern lock set on it so that you can not get into my phone any longer and change all the settings.  I'm tired of looking up the weather in Egypt.  I mean, I'm pretty sure it is raining here but I still want weatherbug to tell me about Cleveland!

You are silly, and I love you

Dear Darin,

Thanks for finding the crap I misplaced this week.  Oh - and stop unlocking my phone for Cameron, or I am going to change the pattern so you don't know it either! :) Yeah - I'm onto you!

You are ________, and I love you.  (Fill in the blank yourself!)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Wise Woman, My Mother

I've been debating the thought of being "done" having children.  Darin is ready to take the final cut (ahem) but I have to be the one to make the appointment.  He says that, I believe, because he knows I am tormented!

We prayed to God for years to allow us to have a family.  It took so long, and so much work and YEARS of heartache.  Now after what seems like 4 very short years - I have 3 new (beautiful) smiling faces staring at me from the dinner table.  I'm thankful, and so grateful to have the opportunity to be their Mother and to live a new life through them. 

But the flip side of that coin is this:  How do you tell God?  How do I say to Him, "Thanks for your blessings - but, I'm good now!"  It feels wrong and unfair to be in that position.  I'm not getting any younger so decisions have to be made, right?  Now you see my struggle.  My unrest with the entire situation. 

Tonight I have this conversation again with my Mom.  But tonight - she gives me an amazing new perspective.  I ask my Mom how do you decide and tell God "no more" when you've been in our shoes?  She tells me I don't have to work it that way.  She basically says to me that I should thank God, raise my children in the right way, and pray that He will bless another family that is struggling to complete their family.  I've never thought of it this way! It seems so simple and completely reasonable. I have everything I ever wanted and more than I ever dreamed of.  I do want others to be able to have that feeling for themselves as well.

My beautiful Mother is still the one with all the answers!  If you need advice or to just feel better with a hard decision - ask her!