Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Heartache & Loss

There is a little, white, heart-shaped, trinket box.
This box is buried in the backyard.
The backyard of a house we no longer live in.
The people living there now don't know about it. 
Nor would they care.
But what rests in that box is priceless.
It's not money.
It's not jewels.
It was worth so much more.
A dream.
A prayer.
A promise.
A plan.
Everything I ever wanted.
At one time, there was a heartbeat
So tiny, the size of a grain of rice.
I saw it.  He saw it.
We loved it.
Never had we prayed so hard for something we could barely see.
Turns out, It wasn't meant to be.
I often think of that tiny heartbeat - as a girl heartbeat.
And in my heart, she is named Dellanie.
Today, I find myself missing that baby.
Today, I find myself wondering why Mothers lose children?
Today, I also find myself wondering why children lose Mothers?
Today sucks.
I should be celebrating the fact that my littlest daughter, finally decided to roll over.
I should.
Instead, I find myself lost in thought, and crying.
Crying a lot.
Today we lost a family member, a friend, a Mother & her baby.
I can't know for sure, but I think she just wanted to be sure that her baby didn't cross the street alone.
In doing that, she left another small hand behind - but she knew his Daddy would hold tight.
You don't choose to be a Mother.
You just are.
Hopefully, you are good at it.
Or maybe, you are like Ann.
Maybe, you are great at it.

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